Saturday, June 11, 2011

If she's so easy, why is it so hard?

I'm not positive.

It may be because, as a parent, you feel all of your children's problems. If Judah skins his knee, I have to suck air through my teeth and feel it in my stomach. I'd much rather have the skinned knee. Every mama would.

Mamas worry about their children's problems. Even the little ones.

There are at least 10 major life events that very easily could have destroyed my daughter. Yet, she is not destroyed. She is beautiful and strong. I am clearly not as strong. I don't know how to feel these hurts. Hurts my brain can't even comprehend. Not individually. Not all at once. When I let myself think about any single one, even for a minute, I feel destroyed.

It's the litte/huge things. Aster hand feeds me like I'm a queen. She is a little bit obssessed with me eating and is stern if I decline. Yes, she has noticed my curves-a-plenty- which is another story completely.

She loves me. I am her mama. Therefore she needs to keep me. Alive.


Jessica said...

Love your blog, love your writing, love hearing stories about your gorgeous children.
Just thought I'd let you know. ;)

Kristen said...

I just found your blog and I have tears streaming down my face...Aster sounds so lovely. My husband and I are are (hoping) this week to receive a referral for a 6.5 year old girl. Just reading all that you have written I cannot wait, while my experience could (probably will) be completely different, I know there are things that will be the same!