Deep breaths.

Aster is very generous and kind. I love her. Completely. She has no extreme behaviors. Not even medium sized ones. I believe our attachment is going very well. Despite her huge dose of pure fabulousness,

adopting an older child is hard.

I'm grateful and just feel extremely lucky. I don't think I've ever laughed as hard as I do these days. One day in the future, when I look back at my life, I believe these will have to be the best days, because life just doesn't get any better than this. But,

this is very hard stuff.

I often think that I'm just unworthy. I read the books and still, I just don't get what to say or what to do. Ever. All I know is that even though I'm clueless in general, I love my babies so much I'm in a constant state of feeling as though I could burst. I hope that makes it a tiny bit better for them, because

well, this is hard, damn it.