Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Things that make me feel like a big grouch.

Honestly. People do not know what to say to people who are adopting.

Quiz
When at work is it OK to yell down the hall at an adoptive mother, "Is she here yet?" Then, when she shakes her head no, add the ever helpful and pleasant "She's not coming home, is she?"

No. It's not ok.

Please, at least be in close proximity before asking if MY DAUGHTER is NEVER coming home. Ok. I take it back. Just don't say it.

Is it ok to try to convince me that people "should get to go to Ethiopia and choose their child?"

No. Also, when I look at you like that, don't try harder to convince me. I'm trying to take deep breaths and find my peace-filled inner core.

I'm going to say it. If you haven't adopted, you probably don't know a whole lot about it.
You don't know if "a domestic adoption would have been quicker" (and you certainly don't know if I care. Oh, I very much don't).
We chose to adopt an older child, so saying "well I hope she's 6, that would be A LOT better than 9", isn't true OR helpful.

If you've never adopted and never plan on adopting, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE DONE (where you "would have" adopted from, what gender child, what age child, any of it). I don't even understand that. "I know I would have..." HUH? But you didn't and you're not going to. So you wouldn't have. You didn't (my head spinning is producing the redundancy).
I'm not concentrating on what you're saying now, my eyes are squinty because I'm thinking about how much your stupidity actually hurts my brain.

Also, I know I'm a picky girl, but I like it when you see a picture of my child for the first time that you say something nice (and it shouldn't be difficult. Have you seen my prettier-than-any-super-model child?).
NOT "How old is she?", "Why is her head shaved?" OR anything about how "lucky she is."
Seriously people! LUCKY? Let me go throw up. A lot.

She is my baby. My baby.

It IS as big of a deal to adopt a child as to have one biologically.
It IS as big of a deal to adopt a child as it is to adopt a baby.

She is my baby. My baby.

It is a celebration for our family. It is a celebration of a life being brought into our family. It is huge. For us.

I feel like handing out an instructional pamphlet for people when they ask to see a picture of my girl.

PLEASE SAY: "CONGRATS! SHE'S BEAUTIFUL!"
Now stop talking. Nope. Don't say that. Or that. Or ever that. Still not a good idea.
Now smile and walk away. Quick.

I've been working on this "pregnancy" for a very long time, I've run out of patience.

Thank you.

17 comments:

Jana said...

Well said!

Robinsons said...

LOVE this!! I have had people say to me when they hear about our delays, "at least he is in a good place". HUH? since when did an orphanage become a good place???!! If you ever do print out the pamphlet, I would like to order some from you:)

Little Ethiopia(n) said...

Yeah! You get em! sad thing is...none of "those people" probably read this blog... but keep preaching to the choir cause we agree and we are there for you!
ps-I didn't have a chance to comment on the attachemnt post but I agree w/ you on that one too...

one + one said...

Ugh. And, yes. And, love and peace to you in this treacherous wait.

Nikki said...

That was AWESOME. Well said!

KelleyO said...

you go girl!

Missy @ It's Almost Naptime said...

I'm thinking I'm the lucky one because I have gotten hardly any rude comments. Maybe because we are getting an infant and that makes it "easier"?

Of course, I just jinxed myself, and the idiots will be out enforce tomorrow.

Or maybe I am just getting some slack cut due to all the ridiculously stupid comments I get about having 4 bio kids. Cause yes I do know where babies come from, OBVIOUSLY.

JD said...

Amen!!!!!!!!!!!! So much ridiculousness going on out there. What are they thinking? Oh, wait, they aren't. Right.

We're thankful we haven't heard most of the comments directed at us, but I can only imagine...

Strange how you're adopting internationally and they're telling you domestic might have been "better", and we're adopting domestically from foster care, and they're telling us it would make more sense for us to adopt internationally because an international child wouldn't be "a mess". Mess? Thanks for calling my child a mess... I so appreciate that. What shall I call your children?

Do they seriously think we've gone into this emotionally brutal process and lengthy process without considering everything first? Folks, this isn't akin to deciding to jump in the car and drive down to the cornerstore for a loaf of bread...... It's a life changing, life giving, eternal decision!


Vent over... maybe. :)

Sharon said...

So true. So true.

Lindsey said...

I loved reading this! I think APs should have a buzzer that they carry around so when someone says something ridiculous, they are met with a bull horn!

Shasta said...

Love this post! I'm always amazed at how stupid and rude people can be. What is it about adoption that people feel they can say whatever pops into their head?

Aimee said...

Yep, yep and yep.

meg said...

so true! good to hear from others in the same boat. I was sitting next to a school mother at our son's basketball game, and there happened to be only one black basketball player on the court, she said to me "where are his parents, I don't see any black parents here," I answered, "he's adopted, we're adopting too, from Ethiopia," she said, "you're adopting one?" Oh my gosh, I about dropped my teeth, I still can hardly look at that monster lady, and she's a church greeter!!!!!! throw up!!!!

Theresa said...

Well said. I hope you don't mind but I posted your link to this post on my blog as I think it deserves to be read by all. People should really think before they speak.

Theresa said...

Well said. I hope you don't mind but I posted your link to this post on my blog as I think it deserves to be read by all. People should really think before they speak.

Nicole Anderson said...

Standing ovation!!! Thank you, very well said!

Eric and Lauren said...

Oh after the week I had you just about summed up my feelings! I would love to print this out and just start handing it to the crazies!

Thanks again for putting my exact thoughts into words!

Lauren- www.howthebushgrows.com