I understand wanting to have a large family. Large families have lots of little warm bodies and big, fuzzy, loud dinners around the table, huge holiday laughter, sibling love/torture, fierce celebrations, companions in the craziness and witnesses to the insanity.
I think that every child born is a blessing. Deserving of all the morsels of love that exist in the universe. Needing all the positive energy available.
I think it sounds amazing to have a babe grow in your belly. To love them through the process and to be in awe and inspired by the beauty.
I also think that we have limited natural resources. I believe in zero population growth.
I “get” wanting to have a biological baby. I get even having two. When I hear my people (the ones that are educated and have resources for other options) planning their third, forth, fifth, etc. I get confused. I also don’t “get” Octomom or the Kate/John 8 people.
Perhaps part of the question I have is “why isn’t adoption an option?” You know about my experience? Obviously being the single most powerful and beautiful experience of my life. Additionally, let’s not forget, many precious children need families. Where is the social responsibility? Where is the responsibility to Mother Earth? We are leaving the Earth to these children we love so endlessly. Don’t we want to do what we can? Is it because people actually believe that we have unlimited resources? That it doesn’t/shouldn’t apply to them? Or perhaps their genes are so extraordinary that more is in fact better?
I know at the beginning of the adoption process we were told some CRAZY things like, “don’t waste your genes” and “oh, we want you to HAVE a baby.”
But they were crazy things. At least to us.
I just don’t get it, so I thought I’d throw my confusion out into the universe.
6 comments:
I am confused too...I find myself getting so angry sometimes, when I hear people talking about all they go through to have children biologically...I want to yell...ADOPT...but I guess until you've had the experience we've had, and brought home the amazing joys that we have, you don't get it:-( So, I can't help you with your confusion...I don't get it either!!!
both of my bio kids were unplanned... and not to put less value on their sweet lives, because they were so meant to be here... BUT... I SO AGREE WITH YOU and actually ONLY wanted adopted kids (sorry for the all-caps... that looks like i'm mad or something but i'm not :). It was actually strange for me to go through pregnancies, as I had worked in countless orphanages and had sweet babies die in my lap due to starvation. You have a great point... why do more folks not choose adoption???? I just don't get it, either.
thanks for throwing your thoughts out there :). I'm standing with you, as the mom to bio and adopted kids, should anyone criticize your thoughts.
(ps- came to you from amy bottomly's blog... mom to Sam, from Ethiopia :).
becca
Yes, it is very confusing and hard to grasp. Jon and I are very fertile...we could have a slew of kids and I would love every single one of them...but why would I do that when there are a slew of precious children already on this planet that do not have a home or a family. Why would I do that?! To them and to our beautiful planet? I want a big family and my resources are tight...but in reality, compared to these other countries, we are rich in comparison...even with our meager education and social work status here in the US. So combine those resources with the love and the desire that I have for a larger family...and adoption IS the best option. It is incredible. Is is a blessing. It is not a second choice. It leads to a child. Who will be such a blessing to us. Thank you for your words...you are not alone in your thoughts and confusion.
Theresa
I couldn't agree more. Many people, including my mother have said, "don't you want to have your own children". That question confuses me (as if I'm not Simret's and she not mine?) and at the same time angers me. I am quite sure that giving birth is a magical and powerful experience-one I have chosen not to experience. Because, like you and so many others-the day that I met Simret was the most magical, powerful, and spiritual moment in my life and continues to be so. I guess, I now don't see any other option...than to adopt. I guess it is all about your experiences in life...but I agree how ridiculous it is to biologically birth that many children...just my opinion?
Well said. There is an assumption that if you adopt it is because you can't have....that assumes that adoption is plan B. For some people it is plan A.
Love you and your heart...
I just went through some older posts and I enjoyed the pics from Europe SO much. What a gift to give to Judah. To show him you are fearless and open. It's one thing to say it, another to do it.
You walk the walk baby. xoxo Lor
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