Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Some thoughts...

I need to go back. I need to give something. Every time I look into those amazingly perfect and beautiful eyes, I am grateful to Ethiopia. Grateful for what they have given me. Which is everything. I search. I know I will return, but I need to plan an exact date. Set it in stone. I don’t forget those faces. I want to scream out that I remember them ... that I won't forget. I care and love. My love is not without action. I have to go back and I wish it was today. Although I knew before, I did not really know. I didn’t feel it with every cell. I avoided it because it was too much. Now I feel it so deeply. Now it consumes me. I feel so badly living in my world. Throwing away food just past date. Buying clothes although I have a closet full. I can’t believe this is the best me. I always hoped that since I try, that is something (e.g. I use cloth diapers, I’m in a “helping” profession, try to be a good friend, etc.), but I have never felt more useless. I hate this limbo. I will figure it out. I know it will be soon, it has to be.

By the way, I decided that my son is the best/strongest/most amazing/funniest/and most generous/kind person I've ever met. I'm more in love than I knew was possible. If you've met him, you completely understand why ... he's unique and special and extremely important. If you haven't met him, here's additional proof:


19 comments:

Nicole said...

Is it weird that I miss him even though I haven't met him yet? April can't come soon enough!

Jocelyn said...

I love Judah and miss him!! You will go back, we all will!! I can't wait to see you guys again...any news on Denver???

Chelsea Bergeron said...

He is wonderful!!

LISA said...

He is definetly precious!

Heather said...

I hurt to miss a single second of his loving spirit and cuteness.

You don't have to fix the world all right now - your heart is in the right place, and action will follow - I have no doubt in your capacity for goodness and generosity!

brotayjax said...

I feel what you feel, Danielle. I talk about going back every single day (and cry a little here and there) and I hate that it isn't actually planned on a calendar.

Judah is an amazing little man... he's got some pretty great parents to help nurture all that "amazing-ness", too.

Miss you... give Judah kisses and hugs!

Aly

J'Laine said...

You are an amazing and truly inspiring woman. I feel fortunate that our families have crossed paths and will forever be connect through our children. If you figure out how or when you are going back...let me know...we would love to join you, if possible. We miss you...
jill, lance, dylan, colton, & simret

Celeste Flores said...

i had a dream early this morning that i met him and i couldn't stop crying. i felt like too much of a dork to tell danny. ah well, can't wait to meet him in 'real' life.

RamblingMother said...

Oh My Goodness he is so cute.

beverly

Lori said...

I love this post (btw, I'm back)!

It's very raw and real, love it!

More great things are in store for the Walkers and Ethiopia, I feel it!

xoxox Lori

Lori said...

Also, Judah's announcement is more beautiful in person and to the touch than online! T-Y friend!

Mary said...

Hey guys,

He is gorgeous! The girls look at his birth announcement everyday. I'm sorry we can't be at the baby shower. If Mea and Bo knew we were missing it they would never forgive me. They can't wait to meet him. I cant wait to kiss those chubby little cheeks. You are so lucky, and so is he. You deserve one another.
See you soon,
Mary

Jillienne said...

What a wonderful post, very inspiring.

Judah is just gorgeous!

Anonymous said...

Danni & Tommy,

I come into my room and I open the window a cool breeze rushes in I sit alone and read. I love your blog. I have wanted to be a mother since I was just a child my self. The man I married is wonderful, but older and he has his children. So I wait for whatever is in store for my life. I understand the pull and pain of wanting. It is so interesting to hear you speak of your sons people and the ties that you feel to them. You are part of a long line of people who will help the voices be heard. Thank you for sharing your life and love with such a wonderful child. God bless and keep u all.

Lori said...

March 5th, does this have any special meaning???? Do you know why I'm writing March 5th??? Hmmmm!

What's today's date... isn't it like the 14th or something like that?? (evil eye glare with one eyebrow raised coming at you)

Chantelle Becking said...

Hi and so glad I ran across your blog. My name is Chantelle and my husband an dI have a 16 month old daughter from Guatemala and are now seriously considering Ethiopia. I have loved reading all of the great family blogs on Ethiopian adoption...Thanks for sahring with strangers!!!
I just wanted to say that I feel very much the same as you when it come sto Africa. I have spent a lot of time there and it has changed my life. I am heading back in April to Ethiopia this time and a small group of women and I are starting an organization to make a difference there. As we learn more I will be sure to inform some of you guys who might want to learn more.
God bless you all and thanks for sharing your great family!!
Your son is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!
Chantelle Becking
www.adventuresinbianca.blogspot.com

Gurskes said...

Good post. Since just returning from Ethiopia, I'm still struggling with my emotions and I don't think they've fully sunk in. I know what you mean about giving back and helping. Jeff and I are definitly planning a trip back and re-doing our personal finances to incorporate more of Ethiopia into our daily lives!

Aimee said...

I know exactly how you feel. My perception of reality is totally different since Ethiopia. I understand that little voice saying "do something." I just don't know what that something is yet.

Selam,
Aimee
www.offwego-brynly.blogspot.com

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