Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thanksgiving

Our Thanksgiving was wonderful. Parts of today were the first time I felt completely relaxed during the past 6 months.
It was just the four of us. We sauteed, baked and roasted it all. With no time constraints, we just cooked, cuddled, ate, slept, ate again, watched a movie and cuddled more. It was perfect. Although we missed our extended family, I knew the four of us couldn't handle any more.

Today, something fabulous happened.

6 months ago, the first morning we woke up in Ethiopia with Aster, she was mad. The anger seemed to happen during the dressing process. It lasted a long time. Breakfast was an Ethiopian shrug fest sprinkled with dirty looks and tears. No jokes or tickles could break it.
I recently asked Aster (she has the best memory and recalls all details), why she was mad that morning,
"Did I put the wrong shoes on you? What did I do?"
She laughed so loudly and said, "I was mad because I wanted the other shoes. It was the shoes, but it really wasn't the shoes mommy. I was just so scared. So, it was the shoes, but it really wasn't the shoes."

I know. Brilliant. 

When Aster came home, our biggest tension was getting dressed. If I asked her to pick something, she got big watery eyes and looked overwhelmed. If I gave her two choices, she'd still get watery eyes and look overwhelmed. She'd want to please me. I'd want her to be happy. I'd be unhappy because I couldn't figure out how to please her. She'd be overwhelmed and unhappy because I was unhappy. Usually there were tears. Most days I had to take a break during the process and take big, deep breaths. It was a big mess. We were a mess. Finally, I just started picking for her and dressing became a nice time to chat - just not about clothes. Recently, I've been asking her for some input, "Do you feel like wearing pants or a skirt?" It's gone well. Baby steps.

Today, I made a promise to her. We weren't going anywhere. We were going to stay home, eat, cuddle and watch TV. All day. Nothing else. No one else. That was all.

I saw her relax. In that relaxed state I knew she could do it. Even do it happily.
"You can pick anything in your closet to wear. I don't care what."

Her face lit up and she smiled. She whispered that she knew exactly what she wanted. She went to her closet and picked out a beautiful hand-me-down Christmas dress,
"I saw it in a movie. I want the Christmas dress."
I took it down. I put it on her. She smiled. I smiled. We were dressed.

It was a Thanksgiving Day miracle.




Since Aster was "fancy" - Judah wanted to be fancy too.

5 comments:

Lori said...

This is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. Love you guys.

Heather said...

Beautiful, simply beautiful! xoxo

Jodi said...

Baby steps! Baby steps! Love it! it's so good to see our children heal and grow. What a wonderful family day - one that she will remember for a very, very long time!

Deb said...

Dani, what an amazing, beautiful day you've described and ... actually experienced! I can feel the emotions with you - this is a perfect picture of what Thanksgiving should be all about. Aster & Judah are beautiful. xoxo

Katie said...

Glad you had a great holiday! They are so cute!