Aster and Judah

My babies, Aster and Judah.

It's been over 12 weeks since we left Aster. Leaving her was the hardest thing I've ever done. It brings me comfort and lots of self-indulgent happiness to talk about my babies, so I apologize for all of the bragging. I can't help myself.

In many ways, Judah and Aster are completely different.

Judah speaks every unedited thought that flows through his brain. Oh my, do I ever love those thoughts! The other day, he was angry with Tommy (Tommy dared suggest he relax in bed for a little bit) and told me, "right now I don't even have thoughts!"
It was a threat. He knows how much I love to hear about what goes on in that beautiful and silly brain.

Aster is silent power.

Before we're even out of bed in the morning, Judah has a few quotable quotes.
Last Saturday his first words were, "Mama, I'm just thinking about moons and summers and trucks."
I like those thoughts. You must be happy.
"Yes. I'm happy. I'm also thinking I really, really hope that Aster likes her room."
Those are nice morning thoughts, babe.

Tommy and I were in the kitchen (so glad I had a witness). Judah walked up to me and instructed, "Pick me up." He proceeded to grab my chin gently, look straight into my eyes and dramatically declare, "Mama, I really understand you. That is all. Put me down."
I bit my lip to keep from laughing (he's very perceptive and would have been crushed if I laughed at him) and stammered a "thank you."
It felt good to finally be understood. Completely.

He's also creative.
"What are you drinking?"
Coke. You tried it before, but you don't like it.
"Oh, yeah." While smiling, he explained, "Coke is too sassy for me."
I'm thinking my 3-year-old's ideas should be used for Coke's next advertising campaign. Coke IS sassy.

Everything about Judah is unreserved and big and uninhibited. He laughs loudly, talks incessantly and fumes wildly.
Everything about Aster is thoughtful and calculated. Crumbs are carefully wiped, everyone in the room is counted, actions are quiet and gentle.

But both of them, have the best humor. They both laugh easily.

Now I have to share more about my girl. The girl who I love to talk about, even though I usually cry while doing it.

Last winter, I learned a bit more about how few words you need to be funny.
I'll never forget Aster trying to copy Tommy's rubber-lipped faces with very little success. But, she has her own ways of being funny.
Aster felt comfortable enough with Tommy to tease him. Something she does well.
While slowly and deliberately pointing to each family member,
"Mama."
"Judah."
While pointing to herself, "Aster."
Then she'd point to Tommy and shrug, making the I-have-no-idea-who-you-are-face (a face she makes very well).
Then she'd crack up laughing. I loved the serious delivery and the heartfelt-mouth-covered laughter that followed. I love that the purpose of the joke was to tease, so that her dad would tickle and hug her. I love even more how clearly the teasing was one of her many ways of telling him how much she already adored him. I love my girl.

My funny, beautiful babies. I'm so very lucky.

Official Paperwork!

Today we received Aster's birth certificate and Adoption Decree. WITH OUR NAMES ON IT. HER PARENTS. US. Yes, I know. It's a very, very big deal.

I need to go spend more time staring at her name, my name and her daddy's name on these very important documents.

We PASSED!

We are now officially parents to beautiful Aster. We are hers. She is our daughter. We couldn't possibly be more thrilled!

5th Court Date = Not yet.

We did not pass yet (I added "yet" to be positive, but I do believe it's true). I'm so sad for her. I miss her so much. We miss her so much. Heartbroken.

Hopeful our 6th date (don't have one assigned yet) will be the one, but sad today...and since I was too excited to actually sleep last night, I'm super tired also.

Will find my happiness tomorrow because for today, I'm out.

Tomorrow

or actually...while we sleep tonight, a judge will decide if we are a family of 4.
All extremities tightly wound.
Breathing. Just breathing.